Personal problems with self.
I'm not satisfied with myself. My thoughts. My actions. My incomprehensible speech. My mind is always linguring at the disruptive past of the unhappy past events. Nothing good ever comes out of it, so why do I dwell? It's something that cannot be stopped no matter how hard I try. I'm sure you all face the same predicaments, but how do you handle them? Stay in silence? Pretend you're actually okay? Life is a one chance thing, and here I am allowing my mind to decay in no-good thoughts. As for my actions: I've complained before about myself how I'm an inconsiderable fool, and how I wished to change that quality of myself, but so far I have exhibited no change. I forget that people around me actually care how I act. My thoughts and actions are one, both selfish. My incomprehensible speech? I have problems explaining things, whether it's school-related... or... just explaining things in general. I cannot word things the way I want to word them. I also cannot pronounce the word "trip". I cannot move my lips... I cannot do a lot of things. Therefore.... I'm not satisfied with myself.
I wish everything would go my way... I wish I could get everything I wanted... and here I am, having selfish thoughts again.
I wish everything would go my way... I wish I could get everything I wanted... and here I am, having selfish thoughts again.
4 Comments:
Whenever your thoughts on past events seem convoluted and everlasting, you shouldn't try to suppress them. Even though it is unhealthy to stress over past events, it's even un-healthier to try and forcefully suppress yourself from stressing about them. (Trust me, I used to get major head-aches when I tried to forcefully suppress my thoughts) Sit back, and analyze what you are thinking about. Give your mind time to let it sink in. It is not a process that has to be done verbally. Just give yourself some 'you time' every once in awhile. Once you can accomplish this and realize that the past event is no longer, and what's now is now, will you be able to ease yourself from your thoughts.
Tevis, I'm sorry. Sometimes I say things hoping to eventually believe what I say... Or I say something hoping it's already true. It's a tricky game... where you trick yourself into believing something just by saying it.
Aladavajaina, thanks for the advice. That is usually what I do when this happens... I ease myself from my thoughts... but for some reason, it sometimes creeps back into my mind... It's hard to just... just forget.
... lol... thanks, manman. Good laugh... When are you coming home...? Stop being lazy...
Remember its ok to not be perfect, and its ok to have negative thoughts. Sometimes, you have to remember. These thoughts dont come back for no reason, they are warnings sometimes. These thoughts can be troublesome. They can detract you from who you want to be. But the past is who we are. No matter what we can't run from it. I could run two ways with this. I could say that you shouldnt worry about past events if the persons involved have changed. OR, you can go for strength. Show everyone that you are still angry. Heh, I never knew it, but this thing my mother put on the wall, I kind of lover it now "Where there is hatred, let me sow love". People need to start caring now. Talk about the problem with the person you have a problem with. Talk out that problem. Staying silent won't solve things. I dont see how you are an inconsiderable fool. Sometimes, I think that I want to be similar to you. You are always so nice to people. You have limitless patience and kindness. If I ever say something like that, its ussually going to be out of sarcasm. And i think that people have to be mean sometime. Aslong as it isnt often your fine. dont waste your life thinking about who you are and who you want to be. Just choose a path.
And I have a great idea for getting past that problem of incomprehensible speech. Its that, you are on a higher thinking pattern than everyone else, hahaha thats what I tell myself atleast.
love* not lover
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